05.13

Midnight Highways

I have lost count of how many times I have dreamed of walking under dim streetlights with you. I have lost count of how many times I have dreamed of sitting on empty pavements while sharing a stick of Marlboro with you. I have lost count of my dreams – and I have lost count of what I was counting. How I want to see the midnight breeze touch your face and brush your innocence. How I would like to take a walk on the empty streets , and look at random people’s pale faces , their eyes hidden in the dark. How I would like to see lovers eat candlelit dinners behind the glassed walls of fancy restaurants. I want to hold your hand and cross the pedestrian lanes.

I want to see you walk with me all through midnight , just letting our feet take us to places we have never been but our eyes have seen. I want to see the lights die with you. And I want to feel the cold with you.

I want to sit in an empty , lifeless highway with you at 12 midnight.

Prayers and Promises

I always have faith in what we are trying to do. It is incredibly chaotic in this world that we live in, but somehow, you manage to put a big smile on my face whenever I will hear you laugh and see your cheeks highlight your eyes. Maybe I am trying to remake a reincarnation of a dream I had once , without a single clue of the possible twist that the future might present.

I pray every night to keep you safe. I pray every night to whoever it is above us to never wipe that sweet smile off your face. I always pray at night , that you will always be as graceful as what you are. I always say that it’s my only wish that I really want to be granted. I am not asking anything for myself, for you are what made me who I am. Your laugh is my laugh, your tears are my pain. Whatever you are feeling is the same thing for me , even a million times more.

I can spend an eternity in this ghost town if it means lifting you up higher than the clouds. I would never leave you , nor will ever hate you. If you grow tired , and decides to leave , I will just watch you tenderly go , with no regrets. It is a chance of a lifetime to even be able to be with someone like you. I still don’t know what I have done so right to deserve you , and hell , I don’t want to know anyway. I want to make myself believe that the only reason that you are here with me is because it is destined, not because I did something.

I hope and I pray that He will let me keep my promise – He will let me keep you.

Unfinished Poems

Sometimes I wonder if all the texts I have made were all the same. I am sure of one thing though – it has always been and I am pretty sure that it will always be about you. I only have a small world and it only revolves around you. To be honest , I am a little lost for words when it comes to you – or us.

Although I can’t really say anything much about what kind of love we actually have , I am sure it’s love. If it isn’t , then I don’t know what is. I am trying not to be too cheesy and I choose my words carefully, in every verse and every paragraph of our lives .

Our palms lined with promises of forever , our eyes lighted by a flame that no source of extinguisher could ever calm down – I visualize it using the very little brain that I have left , separating it from the part that has been fried by so much thinking of what the future might actually hold for us. I carefully wander around my thoughts, if there’s a possibility that I could somehow patch the bridges that has been burned down, using the only power that I have left in me. My articulate tounge , my wide vocabulary – I always want to fill the gap that has been swallowing us down , in every step of the way. I am trying to search for good phrases inside my boiling lump of flesh , hoping that somehow , I can manage to steal you from wherever you are and let you be close to me.

Beneath the stars that are falling above our heads, with diamonds glittering from every inch of your skin, I see angels and devils when you give me the assurance and safety I have always been yearning for. I couldn’t stress a single line of lie , nor a spec of reality from all my delusions but I find truth.

One day, our separate worlds would collide somehow.

All I have in me for now is your smile , your laugh and this unfinished poem :

“I came from Venus when you walked away from Mars ,

I gazed up and find the glimpse of my star

And if one day you wonder where the hell I might be

I am just lurking in the corner of the street, right where you met me.”

Post Script: I know I won’t be there when you blow your birthday cake – but I can always make a cake for you soon. Happy birthday. =) Spend it with me soon, ok?