Forgot Password Text
If I will say that i forgot my blog password , would it make me an idiot?
What is idiosyncracy anyway? I have told myself several times what kind of a pathetic idiot I actually am. I didn’t know exactly what I meant – all I know is that , degrading myself feels good , instead of actually saying something good about me (NOTE : only to me , not to other people because that would make me..uh , rude). I am too clumsy and too retarded – I ask the obvious , I do things not according to rules and standards , I break things (oh my God, those breaking stuffs were epic) that I sometimes come to a conclusion that maybe I am too unorthodox to a fault.
Don’t get me wrong , I am not weak although there are several moments when I actually think I am a fool who keeps on drifting apart everytime I try to raise my sails. People even say that I am one of the toughest and strongest person they have ever known. The smartest although not exactly the prettiest. The bravest. The stubbornest and the stupidest.
In fact , I have a lot more labels than what I can actually think of at the moment , considering the time (1:53 am at the moment) . My brain lags around this time of day, although I have been getting enough sleep these past few days in the comfort of my bed , I still don’t understand why my brain malfunctions despite it’s peaceful rest during the day. Maybe I am thinking too much and yes , actually that is one of my problems. I kinda think too much about things that don’t really require too much of my attention. I just like thinking , I guess , because that way , I can somehow assess that my brain is still functioning after all. A work out ,maybe. But I still can’t see it’s pay – off. I put on too much stress and too much weight on my brain that my body can’t really accomodate them all. My brain cells are attacking each other with shurikens and samurais already. It is empty because the brain cells are in a rage from too much work.
I have been wanting to sleep , and I think I spent too much time playing..uhh, what’;s that game again…OH, CRAPPY VIRTUAL VILLAGERS! It made my head hurt , seriously. I just don’t get it , they walk slow and everything is just plain slow in that game. The trees take lioke , 3 hours to bloom and the mini people there , a.k.a. my people a.k.a. the villagers are just plain stupid. If they refuse to do something , they will complain and stuffs. Well, not really complain , I just can feel that they are complaining. Kinda shows in their body language and WHY THE HELL WON’T THEY MAKEOUT WITH EACH OTHER? I want to repopulate my village so bad…
Moving on , though..
I can’t sleep. I have to write about something , although I don’t want to nag about how sucky my life is at the moment. My mom and I are at war , work sucks , my dog has fleas that I just couldn’t obliterate completely despite my “de-fleaing” abilities. I am worrying too much about tomorrow , eventhough tomorrow actually couldn’t care less about me. I want to play something online just to be able to relax but the internet is lagging so bad that I don’t think I will be able to play normal again , ever. Meh , I just said I didn’t want to nag. I guess I failed then. Or I can just delete the nagging part..but nah , it makes the paragraph look longer and smarter in plain view , so nevermind.
It’s 2 am. I still haven’t come up with an idea , something interesting to talk about. My life isn’t that interesting , it’s messy and cluttered and I don’t think anyone will be interested about me except for flies and mosquitoes and OMG I KILLED A MOSQUITO but nevermind that , it deserved to die anyway. If I were to make a mosquito cemetery , the lots would’ve been full. Their entire army charges me like Spartans. I swear I heard one of them shouting “FOR SPARTAAA”.. *sad face*.
I am hallucinating now. Maybe this writing thingy didn’t go well like I expected. I wanted to write something dramatic a while ago , but then , I don’t want to be sad just because the entire place is quiet and gloomy and dark and… okay , I wanted to cry. I wanted some background music just for me to be able to remind myself of all the stupid things I have done , how my fucking life fails me and everything – I wanted an inspiration for a moving text but I guess tonight is not the night for that. My eyes look like garfield at the moment already , it is asking me for a break. Maybe , it’s not just my eyes who needs a break. Maybe I , personally , needs it. I don’t know how , but I feel like I have to runaway from everything for a bit – and I am good in running away..
Tomorrow will just be another day , with nothing new and nothing special , unless I will win the lottery. But that is impossible because I never bet on a lottery – the lines for that are just way too long and I hate waiting in line as much as I hate raw onions. Tomorrow will just be like today , except , if the weather will be different of course. Another 24 hours – another day for the same old girl.
Oh well ,I guess I really need to sleep now before my eyes produce ghosts to freak me out.This hallucination really is moving on to the next level. Schizophrenia is not exactly my kind of thing so.. Nighty nighty.
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