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I’ve never lit a match with an intent to start a fire , but recently the flames are going out of control. I am keeping my fingers cross that I won’t commit another stupid mistake, or a sin to myself. Everything seems to get worser everyday. I tried to talk some sense to myself but they all turned into desperate conversations , failed attempts of comprehension and meaningless debates of what’s right and what’s wrong.
Lately , I’ve been having problems understanding the recent events in my life. Whenever I will have something too good , chances are , I will be bound to lose it sooner or later. If not by chance , then by fate. If I won’t lose it , it’s going to be as placid as the humid air that moists my face in every daybreak. I am not giving up , though I don’t know where to get the necessary strength to continue believing that there is a possibility for a happy ending in the fairy tale that I have created inside my head that took it’s rightful toll in my life.
I am carrying all my thoughts in a bag full of pixie dusts and gingerbreads , hoping that the magic it presents will somehow intertwine with my hopes. Somehow , fantasy will share a bit of it in my dreams that are hanging by the wire. All I can ever do is hope , though I am losing it every second of everyday.
I have cried too much and I can feel my eyes burning. I have grown numb of the pain , or at least , that’s what I want to believe. These broken streets and dim lamplights are not doing anything good to me. As I get myself soaked in rain , watching thunder and lightning , I dream of sunrise. I am too tired of the sunset but there is nothing I can do about it , for I have exhausted all of my options.
I crawled up in the corner as I watch the minutes past. Each tick of the clock brings me closer to the time where I could finally grasp the reason of my existence – my reason , my passion and my obssession. I know that I always ask you to hang on a bit longer , though I am collapsing myself. I know I ask for you to hold on a bit more eventhough I am slowly falling down. I know a lot of things that I don’t know – and I know it is confusing but you will understand what I mean sooner or later.
It’s raining inside my head , and the pain can be called unbearable , in either extremities. I know you meant every word you said and know that I did too and I still do. My nights are lethal and my days are agony and eventhough I haven’t exactly examined the process of this torture , I know one thing still – though all of these things are killing me every second, I’ll continue to breathe , though not out of necessity , but for you.
Although I don’t know if it’s gonna happen , I am going to say it anyway – everything will be alright soon and I know I am not alright at the moment , but I wil be , as always. And so are you.
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