Irony

I have been staring at this blank page for what seem like days , a lot of thoughts but with no words to fill in. As the chaos in my head continues to tear down the walls that I built around me for temporary safety , my clammy hands slapped my pale – faced existence back to reality. I went back into running over sunken ships and four laned highways , not minding the blood that pours outside my broken chest and my wounded feet. I want to save you and I want to put you where you should be. I want to be everything you desire , and I want to be everything you will ever desire. I want to be your ice and your fire.

I have underestimated the magic that all of this madness have presented and I resented the idea of it’s factuality. I never believed but then it dawned on me that something is changing. I don’t wanna lose it and I don’t want to fight it back because it feels good – it feels right despite all of the wrongness in it. A twist of irony in this little tale we star in.

I slide my hands over the smooth surface , feeling the calmness that it offers. There is an impending storm outside my window so I decided to find solitude in the things that you gave me , somehow giving me the feeling of your presence in this cold , placid cube where I have spent my days wondering what could it have been if you were here.

You were never here but you were never gone. I always seek for you despite the closeness that I feel. Why are the options available for filling in this empty space not enough? I cannot accuse of it’s failure all the time but the majority of the moments were frustrating enough to make my little brain go wild inside my skull. Everything is perfectly imperfect , in one way or another.

I have made decisions which were either ridiculously sublime or sublimely ridiculous. I have never regretted one because the decisions I have made, no matter how stupid they were , gave me the chance to walk along the path where I could find you standing at the end of the tunnel. I never asked for you and you never asked for me but now it seems like you are the only thing I could ever ask for.

Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth. Beneath my truth lies you. I must continue stepping forward if I really want to reach you at the end and have a good look on that face that gives me a mischievous look whenever I am going to lay out something I never dare say in most instances. I want to take a good look of those eyes that speaks of feelings and not of emotions. I want to take a good look at you so I will be able to believe in the beauty of reality despite it’s pain again.

If I can , I would love to drag you with me. Seeing you so defenseless is what gives me a sense of notoriety and authority. I am glad to be the one that unlocks that heart. I really am grateful being a part of this affair that I will be cherishing , hopefully , or remembering , for the rest of my life. I am glad to be you and you to be me.

I guess this is how this war that I waged inside my head boils. The thought of taking you away. Taking me away.

~ by tutdekeeeeeeey on July 13, 2009.