High Reel

I have been awake for quite a while. It strained my eyes and stressed my brain but I wanted to keep going because I was trying to beat a record. It is kinda hard , if you ask me. I want to surpass something I believe will be worth telling, worth bragging and worth sharing.

I was trying to surpass my own capability.

Fine , be that way , life. Be that way. We ain’t friends anymore.

I am trying to guide myself in safety while I jeopardize me however in the process. It is perfectly normal, they say , that is why the phrase “fruit of labor” is invented. What labor? Haven’t seen myself done something in a while now.Hell, I don’t even know what to do , with what and why – but then again, why do I need a reason why?

Burn it. Burn it, burn it.

Put me where I should fit. On your VCR, on top of your computer, inside your refrigerator and let me freeze. I don’t give a damn of where I should be, only , and only if , you can assure me that I am going to fit perfectly in the place where you want to designate me. Otherwise, don’t mind it. I am pretty lost myself and I know you can see it too , kind of – that I don’t really have any destination at all at the moment, but oh come on , give me a break.

You were like this too , only if you will take the time to look back.

And…tadaa~ break.

I don’t need some fixing , I am not broken. I don’t need some lecture if what you are teaching is not Math. I don’t need some help , I am not having a hard time. Simply , because I want to learn from my mistakes , for I know that they can’t be that horrible after all. I might regret some of them, but then again, who in the world never regretted anything? Those who say they don’t regret anything are either :

1. hypocrites

2. liars

3.fakes

But hey, I lied. I need everything I denied.

I am tired of fighting. But my gun has one last bullet that I will either put on the head of someone I love – or mines , otherwise.

The sky is black with the intention to crash my room any time now. It has been terribly hot these past few days which made me realize that perhaps, global warming is not a hoax and the penguins are probably slapping each other in Antartica now. It’s a beautiful night to write and the perfect time to say things , no matter how random , no matter how out of line. The joys, pains, struggles – the time when I had to plant rice in the middle of a battlefield. To be able to farm it , in the aftermath , despite a lost arm , or a lost foot – or a lost teeth. In the middle of the sunshine and in the rain , I want to be able to look back and say , “Hey , there was blood when I planted that – but it came out yummy.”

Giving up is not an option – for no matter how loud the gunshots are , it will eventually subside. You don’t have to be blind for it , but you have to be deaf.

Cotton helps.

Love , hate , war , disappointments – broken friendships , hearts , bones..I don’t know where they came from , some of them I can’t remember anymore. But my heart beats everyday , my blood flows – tells me it’s not the end of everything. Just because the curtains closed doesn’t mean it’s never gonna open again – there aren’t curtains made of solid steel after all.And you , I don’t know who you are. I think I do , but I don’t – but then again , feel free to let me experience such things I have already felt – more hardcore than ever , for I learn from them. I can’t do so much in this life , but to learn. I need you to teach me the things I don’t know yet – things that only you can teach.Should you decide to revert it , mend what’s broken , fix what’s damaged , I have nothing against it.I have officially gave you every right after all.

I am closing my eyes now. It’s clearer when I close it – I have used my eyes so much that it was not able to see a lot of things. Now I should cover my ears.

~ by tutdekeeeeeeey on August 26, 2009.