The Never Ending Battle of Right and Wrong

The debate goes on, creating a severe collision in my head. With the words repeating, as seldom as it is often said, it is confusing how to get to the decision of making ends meet, with a very small capacity to be strong in times you are alone. For the nth time, i let my guard down to let him in, and i kinda not regretting it cause i know that someday i will get the payoff that i am pining for. Maybe not now, not tomorrow – but in time, it will come and I will be fulfilled, we will be fulfilled.

On the other hand, there were a few things that I learned from all of those past experiences and horrific incidents – and that is, well, i don’t know if everybody knows this, but the most difficult part in solving problems, as to math equations , is defeating the demon in yourself, that even a thousand ton cross cant exorcise. The second one is, it doesn’t matter how you hate – its what you hate : and sometimes, you can’t change what you hate,you have no choice but to live with it, if you desperately want to overcome it; but you can always change the way you hate things. You have the right to shut up to divert from that track – you are free to scream to let all that anger go – or you can choose to clash with his and your anger, to create a tragedy successfully. And for the third and last one – nobody wants to be hurt the way that you are feeling – so don’t pass all that pain to the other person ( cause many people are doing that to make the other person feel what they are feeling – and it is so wrong) . You don’t want more trouble , do you? It’s okay to give – guilt is going to eat them anyway. If it doesn’t work, you can always let go and find another headaches – just for an ambiant change.

I know that you should not carry all the blame, specially when you are not the one to blame in the first place.But as human, you have the capacity to forgive and let go.

That’s what i did.

I know that I have to undergo several processes before the healing ultimatum. everything ain’t gonna be damn smooth for the both of us, but detour is not an option. What we have to do is work things out , our way, exclusively. Am i being stupid? I sure am. But nobody said that being stupid is wrong, right?

We have promises , we have goals and ambitions. Before anything got out of hand, we handed out the blueprint of our picture perfect plans and enjoyed the mere sight of it. We dream of being married, having kids, nice jobs and a home in the suburbs. How the hell are we going to attain it if we will let our prides eat us alive? Specially me, for the love of god, i was the one who colored the outlines of our dreams – how can i ruin it? It’s blood, tears and sweat.

I just wish – and i will never stop praying for that miracle – that one day, he is going to open his eyes – and lay them into our blueprint again. And if he won’t – well, i let things be. There is nothing more that I can do – I have done everything , every single idea i can squeeze from my tiny brain to reach what we are aiming for. It’s not my problem to arrange his life in place , i guess. I’m just there to help him sort things out – but not to be a mechanism to align all things in perfect places cause, hell, i know my worth. And i know where i stand. This never ending battle of right and wrong will never be settled – it will never stop in all aspects. But there is always one winner in every round – and that is doing things right.