lablayp xD?

 

HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY SELF-ESTEEM?

the previous was an occasion that literally begged for inebriating, if you ask me. medical science has confirmed that
alcohol is indeed a great anesthetic. and boy , i so don’t need to feel the pain right now. BOTTOMS UP, then.

My self-esteem has always been the polite one. she would never scream , in case i tossed her too along with my 3rd bottle of tequila. she would simper hushly , at least , i guess.

Always doing what is fucking right.

Covering her mouth when she coughed. saying “im sorry” when she inadvertently stepped on someone else’s toes.

blurting out “excuse me” after she coughed – even if she was the only person in the room.

she always had the right things to say to a friend who had failed miserably – whether that friend lost a parent , a lover , a pet , or a kidney.

in short,she was disgustingly perfect.

and all it took for her self-esteem to shrink from it’s former size XXL to a diminutive ,breath – constricting size XXS were three words : “ay,nakalimutan ko…”

i was beginning to get used to a worsening state of insomnia. quiet nights stretched out now like a comfy road.

God , how could i’ve been so distracted with his angel eyes to realize the truth? come to think of it , he never asked about how i was doing or how i felt..

excuses doesn’t sit well with me anymore. sorry honey , but i am not buying it. Pardon my French , but what about my needs?

at some point, i have learned that no matter how hard you play by the rules, make all the right moves to be MS.PERFECT in any and every way , you don’t always get the results you hoped for.

or the man you pined for, for that matter. because when reality rears it’s disappointing , pink-bubble – bursting – head , you will realize that life doesn’t always play out the way you wished it would.

so you cry , you curse, you deny , you blame , you rewind,you wish and pray a novena to every saint you know that things go back to exactly the way they were. and no matter how often you kneel in Baclaran or how many candles you light at morning mass , your instant replay never happens.

jeez.

(wrote : 04/20/2006)

but guess what , after a year of debating who’s the boss, we both realized that it is time to move on from the things that held us both back and get over the little things we argue about.

we learned that life is not about fights because of small things, it is actually being thankful for the simple things.

we still fight horribly but we fight professionally, and what i mean professionally is that , we no longer smother each other like little brats. we try to be tough , but listen to the other party as well.

as for me , i think i finally regained the self-esteem i was looking for.

wooohhhoooo